he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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