i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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