dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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