so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
