the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
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I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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