I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
