sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
