do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just invented taco cereal.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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