Farmville is her only friend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
