I wannas sexs uuuuu
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
