You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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