if i can run in heels then i can drive
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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