i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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