i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
