He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize