do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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