I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
