she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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