I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
