everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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