Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Life is so much better after having sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
