it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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