When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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