I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
