on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
