I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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