OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
