how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
