yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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