The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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