Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
