Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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