I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
