Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
