Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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