I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
