I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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