oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
