it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
