Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
