one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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