I'm lost and stupid without you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
