I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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