Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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