Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
this hospital has no fireball
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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