No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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