I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
