the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
