So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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