why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
