how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
