he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize