So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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