ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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