i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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