He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
