I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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