Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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