YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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