My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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