I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
