I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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