I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
