My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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