Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
