What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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