On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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