I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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