And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
