I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
