We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
