So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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