I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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