I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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