Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
