Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I want to fling myself into the sun
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
